Conflict negotiation in practice
In all conflicts – even the most seemingly bitter and difficult to resolve – common ground between all parties is there to be found.
For example, in a real-life hostage situation I once faced, a violent man threatened both my own life and that of a nurse. In the middle of that crisis, I asked him, “Do you want to live or die?” He said he didn’t care. However, when I mentioned his children, he broke down. He had forgotten how much he loved them. The common ground of that shared human bond—father to father—was the turning point, and the hostage-taker then surrendered in peace.
The lesson I wanted to illustrate with this scenario is simple. If we are able to find common ground in a life-or-death hostage negotiation, then it is more than possible in the workplace – whether this be in the boardroom, the breakroom, or during specific situations such as an annual review.
Secure base leadership
A secure base is a person, goal or something other to which we bond in a special way, giving a sense of comfort, protection and energy. In any organisation, truly great leaders – whether this be middle managers or those in more senior, strategic roles - act as secure bases for their teams, and this is essential in effective workplace conflict resolution.
Leaders have incredible power to support their teams in feeling seen, heard, and valued and, through this, fostering the conditions for the trust and openness essential for transforming conflict from a destructive force to a catalyst for innovation.
Integral to secure base leadership is mastering the art of dialogue. In a workplace context, this involves creating an environment in which team members feel safe to express frustration without fear, to challenge without being seen as disloyal, and to bring the full spectrum of their emotions to work.
Working in step is the key
Unfortunately, despite the critical role leaders play in resolving conflict, too many currently create conflicts of their own through rigid, autocratic management styles – foremost amongst which being a “command and control” mindset.
Command and control leadership both suppresses healthy conversation and enables conflict to grow and fester, rather than being addressed in a healthy manner. Leaders of high-performing organisations, however, understand the necessity of conflict for growth, provided it is handled in a healthy, respectful way.
For leaders looking to encourage healthy conflict in their own organisations, the below principles may be helpful:
- Create and maintain a bond—even with an adversary. You don’t need to like someone to bond with them. You need only to respect their humanity.
- Use dialogue, not debate. Dialogue seeks truth through connection. Debate seeks victory through separation.
- Put the fish on the table. Don’t hide the conflict. Name it. Address it. Clean it together.
- Focus on needs, not just interests. Often what drives conflict isn’t a missed promotion—it’s a perceived lack of respect or belonging.
- Leverage the law of reciprocity. Make a genuine concession, and the other person is far more likely to do the same.
- Nurture the relationship throughout. Never lose the bond—even if you don’t find agreement right away.
Each of the above principles is not merely theoretical, but rather a practical competency that can be practiced regularly as situations arise in the workplace. They are trainable skills, applicable to every manager, team, and leader looking to foster high-performing, resilient and adaptable teams.
To make the above principles go even further, leaders can actively practice the skills of conflict dialogue - listening actively as opposed to merely listening to reply, asking powerful questions, and regulating their emotions in times of stress.
It is also crucial that leaders reframe conflict across their organisation – moving it away from a negative to an opportunity for growth by celebrating teams that challenge each other respectfully, and create space for emotional expression.
Break free from the hostage state of mind
Simply enough, every conflict—personal or organisational— that leaders must navigate can be summarised by one choice – to become hostages to fear, ego, and control, or to embrace dialogue, courage, and connection.
In workplace conflict situations, leaders have a responsibility to always seek the common ground, and begin any dialogue from there. Although it may not be immediately apparent in fraught conflict scenarios, the common ground is always there. We just have to look for it. When leaders embrace this mindset, they don’t merely resolve conflict, but build powerful bonds across their organisation that elevate performance, trust, and meaning.
George Kohlrieser is Professor of Leadership and Organisational Behaviour at the International Institute for Management Development (IMD) and author of Hostage at the Table.
